James at
by merduff
Summary: Three dialogue-only conversations between James Wilson and his mother at different times during his childhood.
1. James at 5

**ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU**

* * *

"Happy birthday, Mommy!"

"Thank you, sweetheart. But my birthday isn't until tomorrow."

"I know, but I couldn't wait. I made you a present today."

"You made it? Aren't you a clever boy."

"Miss Nicholls helped me a little, but I did the most important parts all by myself."

"It's wonderful, Jimmy. It's a beautiful…flower?"

"It's a daisy. Like the song. _Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer do_."

"_I'm half crazy, All for the love of you. _It's just what I wanted."

"I was going to pick some from Mrs. Fleming's garden, but they were all droopy and brown."

"I like this much better. It's special because you made it yourself. Did you use a pipe cleaner for the stem?"

"Uh huh. And for the leaves, too. They're nice and fuzzy."

"They are. Jimmy, why is the flower sticky?"

"It's still wet, I guess. I didn't have any white crayons and Ian got black in the white paint, so I borrowed the stuff Miss Nicholls uses to fix a mistake. It's nice and white and it smells, too. Not like a real flower, but maybe you can spray it with the perfume we got you… Oh. That was supposed to be a surprise."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear, okay? This is the nicest and biggest daisy I've ever seen."

"I wanted to make the petals smaller, but we only have scissors that work with the right hand, so it was hard to cut."

"Why didn't you tell me that, Jimmy? We'll bring your left-handed scissors to school on Monday."

"Miss Nicholls doesn't like it when I use my left hand. She says I need to learn how to use my right hand like normal people."

"Does she? Well, I think I'll have a little talk with Miss Nicholls. Being left-handed is perfectly normal. It's just not as common. And why didn't you tell me this before? Have you been trying to print and draw with your right hand since school started?"

"Sometimes. Mostly I just wait until Miss Nicholls isn't looking and use my left hand."

"Oh, Jimmy. I don't know whether to hug you or scold you."

"Hugging's better. 'Sides, I told Daddy and he said I should just keep using my left hand and not worry about what Miss Nicholls says."

"Well, that's just like your father. Better to pretend a problem doesn't exist than to actually deal with it. What kind of a message is that, telling you to ignore your teacher?"

"Just about that. I still have to behave and do everything else she tells me. And I already know how to print and everything else, so she's not really teaching me."

"That's true. But it doesn't mean your father is right. I'm sure there are other children she's trying to change, and that's wrong. Your Uncle Evan is left-handed, and when he was little, the teacher would hit his left hand with a ruler when he tried to write with it."

"Miss Nicholls isn't going to hit me, is she?"

"No, of course not. I didn't mean to scare you. But if anyone ever does try to hit you, I want you to tell me right away. Okay?"

"Okay. Michael punched me in the shoulder yesterday."

"Was that before or after you pulled his hair?"

"After. But he kept standing in front of the TV when I was trying to watch Bugs Bunny."

"Do you know what I really want for my birthday? For you and Michael to be nice to each other for just one day. Can you do that for me?"

"_I_ can. Do I have to be nice to Peter, too?"

"What do you think?"

"I think it's going to be really hard if he scribbles all over my book again. But I'll try."

"That's my good boy. Let's find a vase for this beautiful flower. There. It's just like spring again. Now guess what I have for you."

"Cookies?"

"Chocolate chip. I baked them this morning. You can have one now and one after dinner. But only if you eat all your vegetables."

"Are they good vegetables? Because I don't think I can finish Brussels sprouts, even for a cookie."

"Peas and carrots. And don't make that face. Bugs Bunny would want you to eat all your carrots."

"Bugs Bunny's make believe. I'll eat my carrots because it's almost your birthday. And because you make the best cookies in the whole world. But I won't like them."

"Fair enough. Now give me a kiss and go wash your hands."

"Happy almost birthday, Mommy. I love you!"

"I love you, too, sweetheart. And you're still only getting one cookie."


	2. James at 8

**ONE SIZE FITS ALL**

* * *

"What are you doing in there, Jimmy? Put the sweater on and show me how it fits."

"I can't. It's stuck."

"Then come out and I'll help you get it on... What was that crash?"

"I think I bumped into the bookshelf. I can't see. The sweater is covering my eyes."

"Then take it off."

"I can't. I told you, it's stuck."

"Hold on and don't break anything. I'll help you. What have you -- How did -- Well, you're right. It's definitely stuck."

"Don't laugh at me. It's not funny."

"Oh, I beg to differ. How on earth did you get it jammed on so tightly? Did you keep pulling even after it was stuck?"

"I thought it would stretch."

"Jimmy, if it's too small, you can't just force it on. Now hold still."

"Ow! You're pulling my hair!"

"Stop wriggling. There. Now we'll just have to find something else for you to wear to dinner."

"But Nana will wonder why I'm not wearing the sweater she knit me. Maybe we can stretch it some more."

"Even if we somehow got it over your head, the sleeves will be inches short. I told your grandmother that it wouldn't fit you, but she wouldn't listen. God forbid, I should know anything about my own son, I'm just the conniving slut who seduced _her_ son."

"What does 'conniving' mean?"

"I did not mean to say that out loud. It means to scheme in an underhanded way. Wait a minute. Why didn't you ask what 'slut' means?"

"Dad says you can figure words out from the rest of the sentence, so I thought it would help if I knew what 'conniving' meant first."

"And did it?"

"Not really, but I bet it's not very nice. Doesn't Nana like you?"

"She likes me just fine. But she loved your father long before I did, so sometimes she gets a little jealous. I don't blame her. I know I'll be jealous when I have to share you with a girlfriend or wife."

"Ew! Girls are gross. And boring. All they want to do is jump rope and play hopscotch. You can't do anything fun with them."

"You won't always feel that way. And then I'll actually have something in common with your grandmother and the universe will cease to exist. What about this shirt? It was too big when she bought it for you last year. It should fit now."

"Why does Nana always buy us clothes that don't fit?"

"Your grandmother doesn't see you often enough to know how fast you're growing, so she has to guess. And you've grown nearly three inches since the last time she came to visit."

"Eight _is_ a lot bigger than seven. But she wouldn't have to guess if she gave me the toy train I asked for instead of a sweater."

"She worked hard to make you that sweater, so you're going to thank her for it and then you can give it to Peter. It might fit him for a month or two. There. You look very handsome. We'll just roll the sleeves up a bit."

"I think she gets us all mixed up. She called me Peter yesterday and Michael the last time she came to visit. I bet she's knitting a scarf for Peter that will be big enough to wrap him up like a mummy."

"Don't get any ideas, young man. Now go down and entertain your grandparents while I make sure Michael hasn't put on rags to humiliate me."

"Okay. Hey, Mom, what does 'seduce' mean?"

"You're trying to drive me crazy, aren't you? Ask me again when you're older. Much older. Better yet, ask your father. It's more his area of expertise, no matter what your grandmother thinks."

"It has something to do with sex, doesn't it? Never mind, I don't want to know."

"Please let it stay that way, at least until you've graduated college and have a well-paying job. Now run along, and don't forget the sweater. If your grandmother asks you to try it on, tell her you're allergic to wool."

"But that would be lying."

"I know. But it would be kinder to lie than to try and put the sweater on and show her just how little she knows her grandchildren. Understood?"

"Understood. Can I tell her I'm allergic to socks, too?"

"Not a chance. It's the only thing she gets you boys that fits. But if you behave yourself _and_ make sure Peter behaves, and if I survive this meal, I'll buy you that train myself. Deal?"

"Deal. I'll go make sure Peter's wearing matching socks."

"Thank you, sweetheart. You're a good boy. Michael! Don't even think about wearing those ripped jeans. Dear god, why didn't I have daughters?"


	3. James at 11

**THE HUSTLE**

* * *

"Jimmy, turn the music down, I can't hear myself think.

"Jimmy, did you hear me?

"James Evan Wilson, if you don't turn that music down right now, I'll turn it off myself. I mean it."

"I'm doing homework!"

"Well, if your homework is to drive me crazy, then you're finished. This is the fourth time you've listened to that song in a row."

"It's only been twice, Ma. It just sounds like more because it repeats a lot. And it's hardly loud at all."

"If you have to shout to talk to me then it's too loud. And you know I hate it when you call me 'Ma.' I'm turning it off -- What are you doing?"

"I told you, it's homework for gym class. We have a test tomorrow."

"You're getting tested on strutting around like a gigolo? Is this what they're teaching you in middle school? I knew I should have gone to that parent-teacher conference instead of your father."

"It's disco dancing, Mom. Miss Sherman is really good at it. She won a contest last year."

"I'll bet she did. What happened to dodgeball? Or running around the field? When I was your age, we played games that taught you teamwork and sportsmanship."

"That's because you're old. Gym is more fun now. Besides, Miss Sherman says it's teaching us coordination and rhythm."

"It's teaching you to listen to terrible music. I hated this song when it first came out and now I remember why."

"The guy who wrote it lived not far from here. He died last year, so you shouldn't say mean things about his music. You got mad at Dad when he made fun of Elvis."

"I got mad at him for that when Elvis was alive. But everybody has a right to their opinion, even your father. Where did you get this song? Did you go downtown without telling me?"

"Michael lent it to me. He said I could borrow it as long as I let him laugh at me later."

"Well, we don't want that. I'll find a different song. Preferably one that won't give me a migraine."

"But this is the one we did in class. If I don't practice with it, I won't learn it right and then everyone will laugh at me."

"The song doesn't matter, honey, as long as the beat is the same. You can do the Hustle to any music with the right rhythm."

"You know how to do the Hustle?"

"Don't sound so surprised. I've been known to shake my booty a time or two. Here, let's try this one."

"Oh, gross, Mom. The Bee Gees suck."

"You didn't think that when you begged me to buy the album."

"I was just a kid. I didn't know any better."

"Your musical sensibilities will just have suffer, old man. Now show me your stuff."

"Only if you dance with me. I get the steps mixed up when I'm by myself. It's easier when I can watch someone else."

"Jimmy, I haven't danced like that in ages. I wouldn't remember how to do it."

"That's okay. Miss Sherman gave us instructions so we can practice. You read it out and I'll show you, and then we can do it together."

"Okay. But you remember this the next time I ask you to clean your room. Now wait for me to count you in. Five, six, seven, eight. Four steps back. Four steps forward. Grapevine four steps to the right. Grapevine four steps to the left. Travolta for eight beats. Eggbeater for two, do the chicken for two -- I have no idea what any of that means."

"Mo-om. They're dance terms."

"Oh, god. John Travolta has become an eponymous part of our cultural fabric. This must be the apocalypse."

"Now _I_ don't know what that means. Just read the last part. And don't laugh at me."

"I'm sorry. We'll start from the strutting like a gigolo part. Travolta for eight. Eggbeater two, chicken two, then step forward, back, sideways and turn. That's very good, Jimmy. I think you're a natural. Should I be worried?"

"Ha ha. But I forgot the clapping. That's the best part. Like in that new song by Hall & Oates."

"One of these days, I'm going to have to sit you down and teach you about real music, sweetheart. That's not a new song. The Righteous Brothers recorded it in the '60s."

"Is there clapping?"

"No. But I remember them snapping a lot."

"I like clapping better. Are you going to dance now?"

"That's not how a gentleman asks a lady to dance, James."

"Sorry. Would you do me the honour of dancing with me, ma'am?"

"I'd be delighted. Now wait for the music. Five, six, seven eight. Back, two, three, clap. You're right, the clapping is fun.

"Here we go. Forward, back, side, turn. No, turn to the left."

"You didn't read that part out."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I was just overwhelmed by the Travoltian-ness of it all. Watch me. After you step to the side, swivel your right knee up and that will help you turn left. See?"

"Wow. You're better at this than Miss Sherman. And prettier."

"Flattery won't get you out of doing the dishes tonight."

"It's Peter's turn. Let's start again. Five, six, seven, eight.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. You keep this up and the girls are going to love you."

"You're the only girl for me."

"You're a smooth talker, James Wilson, just like your father. But you're a better dancer. Are you really being tested on this tomorrow?"

"Nah. Miss Sherman only tests us on fitness things. Besides, it's Friday tomorrow. We play dodgeball on Fridays. I just wanted to dance with you. You always laugh when you dance. I thought you'd never come down, though. I was getting pretty sick of listening to that song.

"Stop it, Mom, you're messing up my hair!"

"Hush, and let me hug you. I haven't changed my mind about the dishes, but you get first choice on the TV tonight."

"You're just saying that because you know I'll pick _Barney Miller_ and you don't want to watch _Hawaii Five-0_."

"You're absolutely right. What do you have to say to that?"

"Do the Hustle!"


End file.
